Where does tension come from?
What comes to mind when you hear the word 'relaxation'? What sort of images come up? What sort of feelings come up? Do you notice anything about your body? How relaxed are you right now? Is there something that would make you feel more relaxed?
When I try to imagine relaxation I notice that I pick my head up, take a deep breath and let my shoulders drop. Then I wiggle my torso a little back and forth, maybe shake out my shoulders, let my arms be floppy. If I feel tension in my legs or my feet I'll move them around, tensing and relaxing the muscles, maybe moving the joints through their range of motion. All of these things happen without much thought. It's kind of just my body's reaction to the suggestion of relaxation.
One view of relaxation is basically stillness. A state of non-doing, where no external demands are being made of us and we can just rest. Another way to think of it is doing whatever you want, whatever makes you happy, as opposed to the mundane obligations of day-to-day life. If you're someone with chronic illness, pain, anxiety, stress, etc. you might feel that relaxation is any period of time where you feel some relief from your discomfort.
There's a quality that all those views share. It's what I'll call a "lack of resistance." When we're annoyed at the slow driver in front of us, nervous about an awkward conversation we have to have, in shock or grief at reading about another tragedy happening in the world, or are disappointed about waking up with the same knot in our neck we've had for 3 years; we have a part of us that says "I don't want this to be happening" or "I don't want to feel this way." That's our resistance. It can be small, like being slightly annoyed about spilling a little bit of coffee on the counter, or it can be big, like being terrified about a life-threatening diagnosis or traumatic event. And actually, the severity of the event isn't necessarily proportional to the size of our internal reaction. If you're in a state of chronic stress a small event can elicit a big response.
The effect of these stressors is an activation of the nervous system. Our whole system, even if in an imperceptibly small way, tightens in order to protect us. And in a lot of situations that serves us well. If we're being treated unfairly, it's the discomfort that drives us to stand up for ourselves. If we're faced with a scary situation or a difficult decision, it's the feeling that pushes us to ask for help and support from others. It can even be as small as hunger cues when you've waited too long to eat or soreness when you've sat for too long. It's an uncomfortable sensation, that's often followed by an impulse for some type of action designed to meet a need. When we act on that impulse, it gives us an opportunity to set things right, come back to a baseline level of neutrality and relieve that internal pressure.
The problem is, we can't always act on those impulses. Or when we do take action, the result might not be getting a need met, and it may even be an escalation of the situation. Maybe in our scary situation we were courageous and resourceful and reached out to people we trust in our lives. But instead of receiving support we received criticism, or misunderstanding, or an offer of help with no follow-through. Sometimes it works out, sometimes not. And if we have the negative reaction enough times we start to be conditioned to ignore those impulses. If we ignore the impulse/need, the cycle doesn't get a chance to complete and relieve that internal pressure.
There are so many different ways that this cycle shows up for each of us. And often we're thwarted in our efforts to relieve that pressure and have our needs met. When those pressures accumulate we can naturally find ways to "blow off steam." A night out with friends, a long hike, or maybe just a big cry; we have different ways to dispel different kinds of pent-up energy. When we don't, they can get stuck in our psyche or in our body as tension. We can get so used to ignoring our own needs, so used to just "sucking it up," we force our bodies and minds to hold more tension that they were ever meant to hold. So, how do we come back from that?
A foundational belief in my massage practice is that we all have the capacity to let that tension, resistance and pent-up energy transform into openness. And even if you're decades deep into accumulating tension, it only takes a nudge to get the nervous system to start to come back online. That doesn't mean the tension will disappear right away, but it can spark the awareness that allows your mind and body to come together into dialogue. Massage helps you negotiate that process of unwinding. When the therapist pushes and pulls on different tissues, you can feel the resistance in your own body and feel the relief when it releases. It reminds you that relaxation is possible. It gives you an experience to draw from when navigating the day to day tensions that arise.
